"I'm Gay!" - Advice on Coming Out

Charlie 5 years ago

My brother is gay, and he came out to me and my wife first. I was surprised because we weren't that close then. But maybe he chose me because he knew I would not judge him. I understand this better now. He must have been scared out of his mind. Our father wasn't good about this.

Kelly 5 years ago

Hi V. THis is a tough one...I've worked with a lot of clients while they were coming out. SOmetimes it goes well, with family exhibiting the love you hope they would express, but not always. I once had a young woman tell me that her mother, upon discovering her orientation, threw a bible at her and told her to cure herself. Another friend's mother locked herself in her bedroom for the better part of a week, refusing to come out or to eat. Of course, that's mom's issue, not her gay child, but those stories keep me sympathetic about why it can be so hard to come out especially to those we love most. The risk, in some families, is real. But being yourself is the only true answer, isn't it? So in the end, I agree with you. I would just add to be gentle with yourself if the process takes some time.

I'm OUT 4 years ago

I wish I had known this advice before I came out. I made the error you mention. I told my father first which was a huge big awful experience and would have been better I think if I had come out to more supportive people first. Just the idea of saying it out loud to a stranger would have cracked the ice for me. I wish I had done that. The first time I ever said "I am gay" outloud was to my dad who freaked out. This is some good advice.

Steve 4 years ago

Oh Hon, you are soooooo right! Every body's mother already knows!!

Carlo 4 years ago

Interesting idea. In business, it's always best to run any kind of sales pitch or meeting presentation past a family member or someone that has nothing to do with your work. It helps you learn how to present your ideas. Basically this is the same advice. Say it to a stranger first. Get used to the feel of the words in your mouth before you tackle the real presentation, which would be telling someone like your parents that you are gay. This is a very good piece of advice.

Mark 4 years ago

I enjoyed what you had to say, but have to disagree with the assertion that everyone's mother already knows. I came out to my Mormon family and they were shocked (I was the purest of church boys). When I told my mom I needed to tell her something that was hard to say (and then was unable to continue) she guessed everything under the sun besides gay. In the end their plans to pay for my college education were cancelled, I lost everyone in my large family and ended up a homeless teenager. So I would just add, hope for the best but plan for the worst. Have a plan and an ally somewhere outside your family, especially if you are young.

Despite everything, I will agree that no matter how bad it is, it is better than living a secret. That will slowly kill you inside. I went on to complete college on my own (just graduated), though it took longer. And, you can create a chosen family outside of your biological, one that will love unconditionally.

Nathan  3 years ago

hey v.. coming out was very hard for me, because i had bin in a three years relationship with a girl, but when i was with her i new that i was gay, but loved her so much an could'nt come to terms with it, when we split up i admitted it to myself that i was gay, i then told my best friend that i was gay, an we very supportive about it, which made it easyer then to tell me parents, when i told them they would beleive me an said that i was confused and still hurting from my x girlfriend. But i told them that i was and that i new for i long time and found it hard to come to terms with it. but they told me that i was to keep it to myself and was not allowed to tell anyone because that my little brother (which is 15)would be bully about it an they dont want that for him. they told my older brother an he was upset about it but didnt care. my mam told me that she love me very much and more now. my dad didnt handle it very well an had a brakedown over it. but is better about it now. my mothers side of tha family news now but my little brother still dont no to this day, but my father wont tell is side of tha family for some reason.. its driving me mental that i cant be my self and living in secret, i try talking to them about it but they just say tha that your brother will be bully an people wont like you because of it, and i cant handle people talking about it.. im 21 and putting my live on hold because of it. two years later i still live in secret. what can i do?? can you help me please...

David 3 years ago

I myself am fifteen I am not out of the closet because i am very scared on how my friends would react to it because i am very good friends with them and I do not want them to think of me differently and I really enjoy hanging out with them.

david 3 years ago

one other thing i am worried about is being made fun of at school and being bullied because right now i am not the coolest kid and not really liked

david 3 years ago

and also i do not know of any other gay kids in my grade so i would be the only

david 3 years ago

thank you so much for the advice because this is the first time i have ever talked with someone about me being gay. i can not thank you enough

David 3 years ago

well the thing I worry about is that if I tell the friend I have been thinking about telling for a while now I would feel like I am trying to be better friends with him and like telling him this so he feels obligated to be a better friend so that is another thing I worried about. Because right now I have a lot of concerns and am really scared on coming out.

david 3 years ago

I am sorry if I am annoying you by asking all these questions I am just relly scared on what will happen to my future

david 3 years ago

I know that and i probably will come out to him first but i want to talk to him more but i know that he understands that people are gay and it is not weird or anything i just am wondering when the best time to come out to him is since i usually only see him in school and that is surrounded by lots of people and i dont want people to over hear and spread it around school and i do not know how i can come out to him without him having a way to get out if he feels uncomfortable. and about coming out to a random person it is hard because i am almost always by a friend of someone i know when i go out

david Mullis 3 years ago

i know i have asked you alot of questions but one thing i really need help with is since i am not out yet alot of my friends that are girls like me and tell me and want to go out with me and i dont want to go out with them because i know i do not like them like that and also i do not want to make them feel like they are the reason i am gay

Luke 3 years ago

I actually just told a couple of friends a couple days ago about myself, they were pretty surprised, but they reacted well, and they are keeping it a secret. I am only sixteen, but I am fine with just a couple of friends knowing and being able to talk to them about things. I don't actually mind living a secret. I dont feel like I need everyone to know. I would rather people that aren't my best friends or something, just not to know, it doesn't really matter to me. I just don't want people being wierd around me. I go to a small school, and no one at my school has come out. There is one gay teacher, and people just are wierd about that... they think he will be checking them out or something... its annoying. So I think I will keel things on the down low. I am fine with the secret. is that wierd?

Luke 3 years ago

Thanks, that means a lot to me.

Liz 3 years ago

Hi! I'm currently in the process of coming out and it's the best feeling in the world... kind of. All of my friends know and I'm definitely becoming more comfortable with myself each time I say "I'm gay" out loud. They have all been 100% accepting and see how much happier I am with my life. Now, the most terrifying part has come--my family. I've always struggled with my self-esteem and depression as I was growing up, but now that I'm in college and go to such a liberal school in a big city I'm a completely different person. Being gay isn't seen as a stigma there like it is in most places and that's great for me--its exactly what I needed. As convinced as I am that my parents do already know, I just can't make myself do it! My mom has never been one to react calmly so I have no idea where to begin. I'm thinking I'll start with my sister, then my dad in order to find out where my mom stands and if she (probably) already knows. Religion won't be a problem with acceptance in my family, but where I'm from people are extremely conservative. I feel like they just won't understand. Any advice?

Ashley 3 years ago

Hi Veronica, great blog! I'm a (happy) gay guy living in a tiny village in Wales, UK and realising I'm gay was at first terrifying, mainly because I was worried of what people would think (everyone knows eachother where I live). But going to College really gave me a lot more confidence in accepting myself, because it's just so diverse. There's still a stigma around being gay, but I don't care anymore, and after a bout of depression, I'm slowly regaining my self esteem and confidence. I told my best mate in November, and he was great about it; if anything it's made us even closer than we were before - we spend even more time with eachother that before, and I think we both feel so much more confortable. And he genuinely cares for me; I don't know how I would have managed without him. We also joke about how his girlfriend (who's a friend of mine) will react when she finds out her boyfriend spends most of his time with a gay guy! Mind you, I'm still in the closet to most other people; one of my female friends knows and so does my mother - that was the hardest part, but she was fine about it. However, we haven't talked about it since so I'm still a little unsure of how she feels. I'm currently working myself up to tell my Grandmother - we're very very close, and I'm sure she'll be fine, but it doesn't stop you worrying a little. I can now honestly say that I'm actually happy being gay, and wouldn't change it for the world - it's made me a more thoughtful, accepting and diverse person. And it is after all, part of me, like my hair colour or sense of humour. This however, won't help when I tell my Dad; I'm pretty much certain our realtionship will be over. (But we've never been close, and I don't live with him, so what the hell! I can't tolerate ignorance anymore.)

Anyway, what I'm trying to say in this extremely long lifestory is: For anyone who's worrying about Coming Out - trust me - you feel SO much better when you're honest with others, and most importantly - YOURSELF. Hell, you don't have to change, and be suddenly camp or hit the gaybars (not that there's anything wrong with that lads ;) ) BE YOU. And I know it's a cleche, but those who don't accept you for YOU really aren't your friends. Love yourself, people, life ain't a rehearsal - it's the whole damn show.

junpei 3 years ago

I came out a month ago and told my best friends and my mom and bro later. I had no plan of coming out ever but you see... I fell in love with a great guy and I can't keep it a secret cuz its the happiest news in my life.

My mom is ok with it but she prefers that I be straight instead but at least she's not bugging me about it. And the rest of my friends and specially my bro is fine with it.

I was so scared of coming out, but my boyfriend is a constant source of courage and it made me go and do what has to be done :3

DMG 3 years ago

Junpei's very sweet boyfriend linked me to this article, so I thought I might share my experiences too.

I came out to friends online first - which is a bit cowardly, but it helped me get some momentum going.

I remember when I told my best friend over IM, I prefaced it with "I'd understand if you'd never want to talk to me again" - I was so scared he'd hate me! Well, we're still friends, and I feel silly for ever being so worried and ashamed. If anyone gave me touble about it now they'd get an earful. XD

Then, face-to-face, I told my little sister... or, well, I said "I'm...." and got hung-up in awkward silence for five minutes until she guessed it on her own. XD The out-loud part is definitely the hardest bit of it. The advice to practise it on a total stranger sounds like an excellent idea to me.

I told my mom a few weeks later, and she just held me and told me to always use a condom. ^_- Can always count on her for practical advice. She claims she didn't know... but come on, when a little boy wants Little Miss Makeup for Christmas? She must've had an inkling.

This past December I had a surprise - the little sister I stammered over coming out to, she came out to me! It was while we were walking to the store together. I never had the courage to tell my dad, but when she came out to our folks together a few days later, he just smiled to my mom and said "I guess we'll have to adopt grand-kids." ^_- I guess he knew all along.

Nothing's changed between us in my family, even after we both came out. I'm very lucky to have such support from them, and from my friends. In fact, the only person who's ever given me a hard time about it was one incoherent idiot on MSN - and even then it was funny, watching him trip over himself trying to justify his hostility.

Coming out was such a load off of my shoulders, it felt like I was flying afterward. It opened up a whole future to me that I never thought I could have.

Oh, and that friend I was scared might never want to talk to me again? He started his own business offered me a job, so I work for him now. ^_^ The gay thing has never been an issue in our friendship or in the office. He, his girlfriend, and I even went to see Milk together last night!

E.G.J 3 years ago

Well, since my hon and my friend posted their comments, would be a good thing to do it aswell XD

As start, sorry if my english is not correct, as you can guess I'm not a native speaker fo english.

For me was like a transition process. I liked girls, later, found less then interesting than boys, etc, i noticed in the end i prefered boys than girls and when i come out, my sis and his BF (a real friend and someone who i really apreciate) was the 1st ones to know.

My friend was kinda shocked at start, sis said it was okay and she din't really care (also, confessed she was bi... was kinda shocked to know it).

I'm lucky enough to have a great family, my dad din't need any explanation, he's very smart and guessed by himself, so it was not a surprise when i told him (he was smiling an just saying "i already know")

I thought he shared that with mom, but loosk like was not, so mom was really the last one in family to notice, and whe she knew, as in DMG case, she only hugged me and said "just be sure you use the propper protection, okay?"

Lil bro never really cared (and the dog... i think she's okay too XD)

I always thought it like private thing, is not like you're going around the street yelling "YAY! I LIKE GIRLS! So don't seem why I shoudl do it with boys.

But when Junpei appeared in my life, i had the urge to tell to everyone.

Some of my closest friends where a lil bit shocked (they don't see in my the gay sthereotype) but all fo them are okay with it and dont care.

But, to be honest, was hard to tell them, i was affraid of their reaction but, hey, if they are my real friends, they will understand or go away, i was lucky and all of them know and understand now.

Ironically, now that i have a boyfriend my mom seems kidna ankwards about it, i guess thinking is one thing and go for real is another, but she is getting used little by little.

All of this started like 15 months ago. And I'm really happy to let the ones who care knew about it, really helps to let people know.

If i woudl take your advice, due to my joker personality people would thing i was fooling them, but i would gladly give a try ^_^

Cya!

E.G.J 3 years ago

Hahahahahaha, no problem, might look easy, but i really had some hard times doing it... my way of acting was not the best, is normally "do it, don't think on it and deal with what could happen later", left some clues, yes (is always more easy if they ask you directly, but as you said... they know, they aren't waiting for me to let them know I'm ready to tell them).

Your advice certainly would be a great help in time. Looking at it right now... was really impulsive from me XD

Anyway, again, thanks for that marvelous advice.

Paul 3 years ago

When I was in high school I came out to my best friend. It was hard. It was a very emotional thing for me to do. I was so worried that he would judge me - perhaps even not like me any more. I knew he was my bud and I trusted him. He drove us around for hours knowing I had something to say - he saw my hurt. That was 20 years ago. We talked last weekend for over three hours. He's still my bud. It was, in the end, a great experience. My friend's name is Dave. His wife and two children live in Norfolk, VA. I work for a non-profit.

Hannah 3 years ago

I read this and began to cry! But I was smiling at the same time! I'm so terrified about coming out to my parents, but with an article like this, I feel better already! I'm still extremely scared, but this has lightened my mood a lot.

I've already come out to my friends, and I've already received awful comments from ex-gay people at school. Lol But, with my friends support (and a lot of them admitted to being gay/lesbian/bi right after I did!) I feel relieved.

At first, I thought I was just kidding myself, because me and some of my friends pretend to flirt with each other all the time, but I realized that I had a major crush one of my friends. I've moved on from her though, and am currently not in a relationship, but I feel content anyways! =] My only problem is my psycho, controling mother haha!

BigD_P 3 years ago

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Im 24 yrs old and just recently came out to my best friend and room mate. I have always known I was gay, but I was so deep in the closet I didn't know if I would ever come out. It has taken me years to finally accept myself. Telling my friend wasn't something I planned, but it was something I knew I wanted to do. We have become very close over the past few years and I knew he would accept me. One night it just came out. We were sitting on our balcony and I just told him. People were right just saying, "im gay" is alot harder than I thought. I was a little surprised at how emotional I became. I couldn't help it, all my life this secret has been slowly eating away at me. To finally tell someone was unbelievable. He was awesome about it. Nothing has changed, we might be better friends now because my attitude has changed.

I only told him about two weeks ago but everyday I think I become more comfortable with mysef. I still have a long road. My Mom and my Sister are next. Im not to concerned with my sister( just about positive she knows)but my Mom is very religious and set in her ways. If she knows it's only because I have been single for so long and she wonders why. In her mind there is a certain stereo type for all gays and I don't fit that at all. I hope it doesn't hurt our relationship, but she has to understand that this is who I am and have always been.

My bigest concern is my boss. i manage a privately owned retail store. I have been here since high school and plan to invest in this business and hopefully make a career out of it. I have already invested over 6 yrs and worry that I will lose my job. I know I shouldn't have to worry about my employer but it's just him and I here. We are very close, he has been the closest thing to a Dad ive ever had. I don't know If he can handle it. He is a good guy but he is very intolerant, and as far as he knows so am I. I feel bad that someone I care about doesn't really know me at all. I constantly hear the slurs and jokes, faggot this faggot that. I have always brushed it off and just laughed but since I came out to my friend it is really starting to bother me. I don't know if i'll ever have the courage to tell him. I think eventually i'll either tell him or leave, or tell him and get fired. Either way its a scary thought in this economy.

Anyway it's great have a place to share stories and just vent. Im not really one to give advice, but its very true start with friends or a stranger or whoever. Just start somewhere because it feels great to be your self even if it is just with one person.

Zach 3 years ago

I'm 16...Alot of people at school know I'm gay. They know who I'm dating, which I didn't want anyone to know..yet.. I told some of my friends, cause I knew...well.. I thought I could trust them. So far, all of them except 2 haven't said anything to anyone about it. I can't tell my parents. I know they are going to find out in a short period of time, because it's going around town. And I live in a VERY small town =( but I'm just worried that she might kick me out. I know I can go stay with my bff, or maybe my bf, but I'm just afraid of how shes going to react. Shes VERY religious, which I am not. Any suggestions? <3

Billy 3 years ago

I just just came out to my friend a today. I felt good doing it, but there reaction only made me feel worse than ever. I am young, and my friend laughed at me, said I was to young to know, and left. I feel horrible, and now, I'm even more afraid and lonley. If that's how my friend acts, how will my parents, my guy friends? I was ready to come out, and I have no one to talk to now.

scruffyj 3 years ago

I have a question? My partner and I do not live together and we have been together for 5 years. He has yet to tell his mother which lives out of state that he is gay. Now I have sent his mother cards for Christmas, Birthday's, Easter...not tell me she does not know he is gay. I have been wanting to go the next step of doing the move in and having a true partnership. What do I need to do about getting him to tell his mother so that we can get on with our lives. I need some advise. I am 52 and he is 46 unfortunatly his mother is 82 but very sharp and healthy. I want to be able to spend my life together but I am afraid he won't tell his mother just because he is not willing to commit but yet not only making my life miserable and he being an only child is not afraid to spend his life alone. What do I do from here? Do we go to speak to someone who will help us? I really think he is waiting for his mother to die and he will never have had to tell her about his life. I am not willing to live my golden years alone. How do I get him to tell her. Please give me some advice.

Frustrated

scruffyj 3 years ago

Well after talking with my partner when he came back from his mothers over the weekend he did tell me that he wrote her a 2 page letter and put it into her Mother's Day Card. Now her birthday is today and he is still not sure if she has opened her Mother's Day card, but in him speaking with he last night he said her voice sounded like there was a question waiting to happen. He did tell her that I was more than just a friend after explaining his lifestyle. I told him to give it a couple of weeks and if she has still not mentioned anything he may want to ask if she has any questions. I have made an appointment for counseling and I am going to go by myself first and the 2nd session I am planning for my counselor to meet with him the 1st half of the session and bring us in together for the remainder. I hope that things will be able to progress so that he can feel free to be able to move to the next step which is to join households.

Frustrated

scruffyj 3 years ago

Went to counseling last night alone and talked about our relationship. I am having him go with me the next time in 3 weeks. I am to ask him to make a list of what he wants out of our relationship and where he wants it to go and what time frame to accomplish our list. I am to do the same. We are also to ask when we give a gift just to show how much we love eachother and not for any special occassion what we would like to recieve. Now I am just one if I see something special I will just pick it up and give it to him. Now he is an engineer and never shows to much emotion. But she said if you get him something that he will like his emotion may change. Now I like flowers and he thinks they are a waste of money and just die. So I bought him a rose and he said no know I am not a flower person. So I told him I am and if it make me happy then I have accomplished what I set out to do. It should come from the heart and the other person should always accept what we do for them as a token of our love whether something dies or just sits on a table. I have every card he has ever given me over the past 5 years and would not part with them. Did I mention he is not really a card person either. But the whole point of the story is that he is willing to go see my counselor and will let you know what happens. Who knows may have a commitment ceremony before the end of the year.

Frustrated

Jake 3 years ago

Hi Veronica,

I'm fifteen years old, and it was only recently that I admitted to myself for the first time that I'm gay. I mean, I've known it for years, but I've always been too afraid to admit it. For me this was the hardest part of the process. After I admitted it to myself, I started telling my closest friends, which I found easier with some people, but with others it was a little more difficult. But the more I tell people, the more I feel comfortable with it, like it isn't such an issue. I used to feel so awkward and alienated about it, like it was so unnatural. Now I realise it's more common than I thought, and I'm not alone, and I can't hide my sexuality. I ought to just accept it and move on.

Although I've only told a handful of close friends, and asked them to keep quiet about it for the time being, I really want to be open about it, and start having relationships, not caring who knows it. I'm mostly worried about what my close guy friends will think - whether they'll try to avoid me or just be disgusted - and telling my parents. I know you say that a mother knows, but I don't think mine has a clue. All I know is that she'll be extremely disappointed about it! I'm not that worried about my father's reaction, not as much as my mother's. He doesn't bang on about grandchildren all the time.

Although I have my worries about coming out, I'm still really looking forward to letting everyone know. It's about time - I've hidden it for years, and I'm pretty sure a lot of people have guessed already (although some of the reactions I got from one or two people were very interesting - they really didn't have a clue!) but I just know it will give me a huge sense of identity, as if I can be more myself. I really am sick of pretending!

Just thought I'd share my own story, as a gay teenager in the process of coming out!

Thanks, Jake.

Emmy 2 years ago

I'm 16 now, I came out to friends when I was around 13 or 14, and to my father and sisters when I was 15. I had only intended to tell me sister, but that led up to me telling my father the same night. I was terrified when I had to tell him, but once I finally got it out and said it, he was super cool about it, gave me a hug and told me not to let anyone give me shit for who I am. That's probably the nicest thing he's ever said to me.My mother doesn't know, I don't think. I'm not sure if anyone in the family ever told her. But. I don't care if she knows or not. I don't really think she'll be a part of my life after I'm 18.

Everyone that I've told has been really supportive of me. It's been pretty great, actually. Personally, I wish I wasn't gay, but, I am, and at least it's been a pretty smooth road so far.

Ryan 2 years ago

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Dear Veronica,

Just a bit of background information:

I am a gay male and am currently 17 years old, almost 18. I am about to graduate high school, and after summer, I will be attending a university 1 hour away from home. The area I live in is particularly homophobic.

Problem:

Now I have both male and female friends. As college approaches, the pressure to come out of the closet increases. Not to everyone, of course, but I am just dying to have someone to hang out with while being my true self. I also want to retain most of my close high school friends. Most of my female friends are pretty open and I am pretty sure that I can come out to them without much of an issue. However, I really want to remain friends with my male friends, and as much as I want them to accept homosexuality, I don’t think that they will ever talk to me again or just not feel comfortable around me once they find out I’m gay. They are your typical homophobic 18 year old guys. So what do I do? Continue to “play a role” while hanging out with them, go away to college, and never tell them the truth, or let them know and take the very high risk of never being able to hang out with them again.

Ryan 2 years ago

By the way, terribly sorry about the mass of jumbled characters at the beginning of my post. I copied and pasted and did see it before posting.

Jordan 2 years ago

I Was so Worried about telling people i was gay then i just told one of my best mates when i was 14 they gave me a big hug and then i told my mum she said i knew since you were born then everyone knew and it turns out its not such a big deal afterall even the buch tough lads at school said you are still the same person that was so nice of them so dont be worried its not as bad as everyone makes it out to be my mother is not bothered we have a even closer relationship since i told her.

from Jordan,16

Jordan 2 years ago

theres a plus side to being gay you dont have to worry about getting anyone pregnant lol

Mark 2 years ago

Wow, all these stories are so inspirational. It's such a comfort to know that I am not the only person going through the coming out process. I am 17, and I knew i was gay ever since I can remember. I hid this from everyone for so long. I really hated myself for a long time. But, I realized that it wasn't worth beating myself up over. You're constantly living a lie, and it's just not healthy. I came out first to one of my closest freinds. Everyone is so right about saying, "I'm gay," outloud. Two words, that haven't been able to voice themselves for so long, were so hard to say. I finally said it, and she was completely accepting. She hugged me, and told me that she thought she would never be able to feel this close to me, and that she was excited for everything to come. That was such a confidence booster. Slowly but steadily, my self-esteem grew. I told two other friends, and they too were so accepting. It's a great feeling. I can finally be myself and let the guard that's been up for 17 years down. Now, I can join in with my friends saying, "That guy's hot!" Something that is so little but means the world to me. I'm in the process of coming out to my parents now. AAHHH! I know my mother will be accepting, and she probably knows. It's that feeling you get around her that she's trying to protect you until you are ready to come to her. My father, on the other hand, will be a different story. I know he won't accept it. I don't know when I will come out to them or how. I'm just very glad that I came out to such supportive friends. They have made this so much easier for me. I'm reaching the point where I just don't care what people think about me after I tell them I'm gay. I know that I have my true friends behind me, and if other people aren't going to accept it, then I don't need them in my life.

This site, by the way, is awesome. Veronica, you're such an inspiration. Your words of wisdom and advice give me a feeling of uncontainable happiness. Thank you so much for everything. I hope that some day I can be as comfortable with myself as you. : )

Good Luck to everyone!

Jose 2 years ago

Hi, I need some advice on what to do here. A couple of months ago I met this guy and he made me realize I was gay, i love this guy and we've been going steady for a couple months now. two weeks ago i was with him in my bedroom in underwear just laying down with eachother talking, expecting my mother to call me before she got home, she didnt...and she walked in on him and i on the bed. she started crying and did everything that was expected if a mother ever saw that, we talked the day after about everything, she accepted me for who i was. two weeeks later, i sneaked my boyfriend in my house at 1 in the morning just to be with him for a while and then take him home, my mother got up in the middle of the night to check up on me and checked in my room and when she foudnt he door locked she made me open it and knew my boyfriend was in there. she wanted to kick me out..i dont know if she still does, how do i alleviate her pain? she thinks i do not love her or have any respect towards her. what can i do to make things better?

Jose 2 years ago

Thanks, I'm 16 btw.

Max 2 years ago

Hi guys,

Im a 19 year old college student and I think I might be gay. Recently Ive been having serious panic attacks, including headaches, nausea, difficulty breathing and dizziness. Ive been to the doctor lots of times and they've ran lots of blood tests and breathing tests and nothing showed.

Then the doctor said that a lot of young people experience this when they are questioning their own sexuality. When he asked me if i was experiencing difficulty with my sexuality, I promptly said no, but in the back of my mind I know Im gay. My mother even said that if that was the reason, she'd have no problem with it, but I just cant seem to come to terms with it myself and this anxiety that I have every day is dreadful. I dont know why it is as two of my closest friends are gay. Also Im not a very emotional person at all so that may be part of the problem.

Im wondering if these symptoms are common and if anyone else has had these kind of problems coming out??

Any advice you guys have would be greatly appreciated.

What you're doing here is great by the way.

Thanks so much,

Max

Hugh Walker 2 years ago

I'm an older homosexual guy,just decded to come out. I'm publicly gay in a lot of places but not everywhere - I'm geting there though!! Thanks for the advice!!!

Dan 2 years ago

Hi V.

Basically I'm in a bit of a situation, I've come out to my best friend and some other friends, and my aunt, but my mum has a new, very homophobic boyfriend, and when she talks to me its always "Wait untill you get a girlfriend", I really want to come out to her, but with her boyfriend on the scene, I can't, and also everytime I plan to come out, I just cant get those words out, its so furstrating, I'm living a lie to my own family, i do agree with you that she may know, is that why she keeps saying girlfriend? and keeps on about having a girlfriend to me? please help me V.

x

Jamie 2 years ago

Im gay and im planning to come out to my best friend as i trust her. But im so upset and frightened about what may happen when i tell everyone, people will never look at me the same way again, no family member will either, they will look at u and think hes gay. not many people understand and im very worried.

Recently my grandads brother died and he came up to me and said, your the only boy left in the family u need to have children and carry on the family name. I know i will never have children and i feel so bad for letting him down about not having children. As i am a 4th child in a second marrage, my father is 60 and is quite old which he will have the same sort of views about gay people. My sister came out to my mum and me that she was bisexual, but she can still have children etc. Im worried i just wish i wasnt gay it'd be so much easier for everyone.

Im sorry to all those people out there that i have offended but im really upset and i just want this to all be other with and not live a lie.

Taylor 2 years ago

I am gay and I have come out to my two best friends and they love me anyway. I know that my parents know because they make comments that they are just waiting for me to say it. I'm really hesitant about confirming their suspicions and I'm not really sure why. I'm sure that my mother has known since I was little. I know how they will react and I'm not scared of their reaction because they told my brothers and I that they would love us no matter what. I think the reason why I am so hesitant is because my mom's family will make it a huge to do when I come out to them and potentially embarrass me. My dad's family is a completely different story, I have a cousin who is gay on my dad's side so it won't be a big deal to them that I am gay too. I'm pretty sure that my whole family has their suspicions because I have never had a boyfriend and my aunt asked me if I was gay a couple years ago and I told her no because I was still figuring it all out and I wasn't sure yet. I tried to make myself straight and I hid the fact that I am gay from myself for a long time. Now that I think about it I have been attracted to girls my entire life but I never admitted it.

I was talking on the phone with my best friend while she was at work one night when they weren't busy and I was telling her that I want the world to know so she asked if she could tell her coworker and I told her to go ahead. She told her coworker that I am gay and she said 'cool.. me too' it's so easy to tell a perfect stranger but i freeze up when i think about telling my parents. Sometimes i feel like i'm ready but then other times i'm not ready at all. I've had this discussion with my best friend and she told me that she will be there to support me when i am ready. I freak out when my mom grabs my phone because my wallpaper is a gay pride flag and I don't let her in my room because I have a couple of posters that I don't want her to see. The biggest that is holding me back is that I'm the only girl and I feel obligated to marry a man to give my mom her dream of her little girl marrying her prince charming. I'm just having a hard time telling her that my prince charming is going to be a princess. That sounds really corny now that i see on my screen but it sounded cuter in my head.

Stanton 2 years ago

Hey. Im 14 and ive come out to alot of my close friends and even too my cousin, but anytime when i want to tell my family i freeze up. please help me!

-Stanton

fireball34 2 years ago

Great Hub- I will be turning 34 in a few weeks, I came out almost 2 years ago. It was very hard since, I was a Prominent United Pentecostal Church Minister.

Not only was there the challenge of facing all my friends, family, and colleagues, there was years of guilt not accepting myself. I was lucky to find a wonderful church family in Tampa called Potters House Fellowship International. Not only did they accept my homosexuality they celebrated the way God Created Me!

Someone told me when I first came out, that you never really stop coming out. There is some truth to that statement. Life is a journey and just when you think you have it all figure out, there is a new bend in the road. But you won’t enjoy the trip if you can’t be honest about the driver!~ I don’t regret coming out, there is no greater feeling in the world then been in the arms of a Man who loves you! Feel free to check out some of my writings about me coming out- I am fireball34

Sharrod 2 years ago

Hi,Veronica. I am not really scared, but more of nervous. About coming out. I really just want to be able to tell them, But I here one positive story. And I'm like, "Ooh! I'm going to tell my mom." And then I here one of the negatives, and it brings me back down. I need help. I wan to be able to live freely, knowing that I'm not lying, hiding, or covering up anything.

Help me please.

Joe 2 years ago

Mothers do not always know, trust me. you should have seen her face yesterday...haha :)

mward1125 2 years ago

Loved your hub--and the comments and answers afterward. It reminded me of when I came out when I was 24--I knew when I was a teenager, but, like so many others, fought it because I didn't want to disappoint family and friends. I took the very long route to coming out to the family. Everyone else, family and work, knew LONG before I ever told my parents. I actually only voiced it to my mother about 3 years ago, when I was 37, even it was pretty obvious by then anyway (you know, having the same "roommate" for the past 13 years, kind of a giveaway lol).

Even though my parents don't like the idea, they've pretty much accepted it now. In the words of my father, "At least you have a job with health insurance and retirement!"

By the way, my hat's off to all you teens who have the courage to come out now. I know I didn't have it!

Lewis 2 years ago

Thanks for such a good read - posters for your stories, and Veronica for a stellar article and really great advice. I'm 23 and I guess I've always known - I thought I was bi for a long time, but (not even) 2 weeks ago I came out to my best friend (she's a straight f, I'm male) about being bi - ever since then I'm really starting to believe (or admit?!) I'm gay. She's been the best thing I could ever have hoped for, so so supportive to me. When I asked her 2 days ago if she'd come with me to a gay bar for support, I was watching her eyes and she didn't even flinch, just an outright 'of course I will'. I love her so much for her support and know I couldn't do it without her.

Some of the comments on this site have brought tears to my eyes as I'm so confused at the moment, but they really have made me feel better. I don't know if I want to be gay, I don't know how others will react when I tell them, but I know deep down I am who I am and if they can't handle it then, well, bollocks to 'em!

I guess there's not too much point to this post, I just wanted to give back and say thank you for such a good read which has really helped me. Also a lifetime's worth of thanks to my friend who's been so supportive - I know she'll almost definitely never read this, but without her I couldn't do it.

Nav 2 years ago

Hey, I kinda came out to my parents this year, I'm 21 and I wrote an email to my sister to read to my family while I was away. I'm Indian and assumed it would be clear cut, like many caucasian families. I wrote in the letter that I want to be totally accepted for who I am, or not at all. And wrote a reminder that if my family choose to accept me, I dont want to be made to feel guilty that my parents are going to have grandsons, or a daughter-in-law. It's such a lonely feeling, because my caucasian friends have said, fuck your family if they don't accept you, yet family for me is necessary, it's a form of stability. At the same time, coming out has changed nothing. I felt such a huge load come off of my soldiers initially, but I'm still at square one. My dad told my sister I need to pray to God to 'sort it out', my mom didn't comment, and my sisters aren't bothered either way. It still seems as though it's a dirty little secret. I know my entire family knows about it and that all of our relatives know about it, and that's not the problem, the problem for them would be me addressing it. If I'm gay and I marry a woman, that's okay, but if I'm gay and I'm openly saying, yes I'm gay and I plan on living as an openly gay person, that's considered to be shameless. I wish I could speak with somebody who relates to what I'm saying, and doesn't judge me for my situation. I've become religious since the last couple of years to help me deal with my predicament. I feel I have more at stake: being a Sikh, I'm not going to be accepted at all by the Sikh community, and doubt I'll feel accepted amongst many gay guys having a beard and wearing a turban.

sean T 2 years ago

hello Nav. I cant really relate to your situation but i know that the hard part for you is ending. Your family know about your sexuallity and they have to deal with it. Be free but dont rub it in. Religion teaches people that only the god(s) decide our fate so as long as (s)he accepts you then you are fine. I am a christian but i had to give up my faith because i felt judged. I then joined another church who accepted me. I later married a man and the church accepted us both. I think that there are far worse things that could happen to someone than being gay.

Miles 2 years ago

hello V .. for many years now i have known that i am gay though i am young i am currently 15 but have known since i was about 9... people ofetn say hpow did u know if ud never been with a man... i cannot explain ti myse;f but the attraction was not there with women its something u can just feel in your bones and soemthing that sent my blood rushing when i saw an attarctive man. i like many went therough a big stage of severe depresssion but the rest of the world were blind to it my face was a happy smile but inside i was weeping and tortured i could not come to grips with my own sexuality. i hated myself. i was convinced that i would give anything to be someone else or to be as i thought was normal. then the denial came. i denied it every second it my head and fought with every fibre in my being against who i was. but it could not last. over the last 2 years i have accepted myself, and learnt to love me for who i am now i wouldnt change mysefl for the world. firstly i came out to some very close friends who happened to be girls .. all of them ,i suppose i always found it easier to make friends with girls especially in ym teens it just felt right but anyway all i have tld until now have been very accepting kind and genrally wonderfull abotu it i feel completely normal as i should and we often laugh and joke around and i speak as myself to them ... the feeling of freedom is unlike anything else....wonderful....i guess all my closest friends were true. as yet though i ahve yet to tell a boy.. i have many male friends but for some reason i am more nervous with them than with the girls...but not only is the fear of telling my male friends looming the fear of telling my family is even greater. i told my friends forst to test the waters and ease myself in sometimes i still fond it difficult to outloud infront of them all say i am gay... but thats just an issue of time i havent quite got used to being open about it yet its comign fast though x... my family are not heavii;y religious my nan is and an auntie but at the end of the day i feel very strongly against homophobia and even for a second if they give me any shit about it ill freak... i know they need time but i cannot understand theyre selfishness!! cannot tell that saying it and accepting myself was hard enough ni dont need people givinhg me crap about religion and being diseased or unwelcome i will erse those people from my life . if your own grandparents dotn love you because you are gay they are ass poorly educated and close minded as their views. anyway moving on from that rant.... i am becomign very nervous with telling ym household family because that will affect my life heavily.... if things go badly i could end up living a terrible life or feeling constantly unwelcoem or worse homeless!! thoug h i doubt the last one. would u advise that i geta freind on standby incase things go wrong so that i can stay with them? and do u think i should perhaps tell my sister first? and then work my way through my family? and in your opinion is it best to have a sit down meeting with ur family and announce it to them or a letter? or maybe singular confrontation? 20 question si know sorry.. x

though i am nervous about telling people i am emotionally attched to that i am gay, i am confident with those who mena little to me the greatest advice i could give anyone in my position is take on the stereotype when it comes to a homophobia and negative comments from like school people. unleash your inner bitch xx if afetr i have completely come out i school someone shouits acorss the class room shut up you gay twat i would quite simply snap my head towards them and announce very sarcastically "yes thats right! well done ! i am gay , if you have a problem with that perhaps yu should start thinkign why your so uncomforatble? afraid u might to perhaps? x

s thom 2 years ago

I am scared to come out. I have so many doubts in my mind about if I'll be able to handle the stress and the drama that may manifest when I make a decision.

My whole life I've known I was different. I always blamed the chemical imbalances in my brain for causing the severe and frequent periods of depression, but i'm sure lying to myself was a major contributor.

I have tried as hard as could to not be gay. I have yelled at God and cursed myself for not being able to be like everyone else.

I guess I am just so used to the ups and downs of depression/mental illness [which I fear was probably a result denying my own peace and happiness for so long] that I fear my life may get worse If I make this jump. I fear that when I go out on a limb I may be wrong and fall right back into the chaos and misery and emptiness.

I wonder wether I would be better off continuing to live this lie and cover up my pain and shame with drugs, hate, and fulfill the shallow selfish ways I have lived to cope with this lie that is my life.

I do know in my heart what I am. I need help to come to terms with it. I want to be myself.

Jo xx 2 years ago

Im 12 and EVERYBODY in my school knows, even some of my teachers, (though he's gay and it was an accident) but im to scared to teel my parents and im worried one of my friends will say something on fb. Im scared what should i do?

james10 2 years ago

im scared just to tell people im Bi-sexual.. i afraid ill lose all my guy friends..im not so much worried about about school cause everybody thinks im gay it just stop tehm from making fun of me...but im afraid to tell my parents the most. tho I know they will execpt it because my brother is gay.. but im afraid they will be in denial because there "little boy" is Bi-sexual

s thom 2 years ago

I'm scared my faith was based on god curing me but now that I know that this is what I am I don't want my spirituality and faith to be in vain. I'm a christian by the way.

Jo xx 2 years ago

james10 Dont worry about losing your male friends, i didnt lose any i really liked. Some boys, and possibly girls, may act differentley but in the end theyll come round. Everyone will be so super-supportive trust me. And Im with you, im scared of telling my parents. Im gay.

Ignored 2 years ago

Well I guess i should post mine up i read this and it gave me the courage to tell my parents that i am gay.

I knew i was since the 3rd grade girls just never appealed to me at all and i always liked guys

I decided that i would come out to my friends in the 7nth grade lets just say that didnt turn out i was beaten a few times and i was locked ina locker for about 2 days (yes they are sound and smell proofed and they have a vent in the back) i had 2 switch schools i thought i was going to get killed

In the ninth grade i told a few friends mind u all female and they accepted me and i had fun with them

people thought i was dating them and well i told them no they just called me a liar and moved on

then i decided to tell my parents that i was gay

which was 2 months ago she thought i was traumatised i told her straight out no and then she goes to say well if you really are it will not be tolerated in this house hold you sick freak

lets just say i am ignored and verbaly abused every day now and i am stuck living here because i am still a minor. she told me the only reason why i havent been kicked out was because she was afraid someone else would find out. i go to school and then i am a locked into my house its been this way all month and then locked into my room at 8pm every night its getting to the point where i am getting depressed any help? (and no i have not told my older brother or father)

James 2 years ago

Hey, i am 15 almost 16 and have had a boyfriend for about 3 months. he is great :) just yesterday i told one of my best friends i was gay and she took it alright i guess. i really want to tell my family but i am scared everything will change and i will constantly feel uncomfortable around them. My boyfriend came out to his parents a while ago and they did not take it well thats why i am scared to tell mine. i dont no what to do :( should i tell them soon or wait longer?? im not sure how to tell them :(

Cheyenne 2 years ago

Hi,

I'm 16 and i'm gay. I have told my friends and brother and they all accept me for who I am. Problem is im trying to come out to my mom and its really hard.I try to hint to her so she will ask me but she wont. I know she will be ok with it but its still hard. Any adive?

Alex 2 years ago

Hi. I'm 16 and I'm gay. I live in a small school and am not sure how people will react because no one in my school is openly gay. I would like to tell people and maybe inspire others to follow in my footsteps but like everyone else I'm scared of what they'll think. I'm also an athlete, and as you know, locker rooms aren't the most modest place on earth, and I'm worried about what my teammates will think. Any advice?

Alex 2 years ago

and what a relief it is to be able to talk about it. Thanks for the web page.

Alex 2 years ago

Thank you for taking time to reply back. While I live in a small town, an intolerant one as well, I can't say I have ever feared that it would ever escalate into violence. I am also happy to say I have two parents I know will be accepting once I let them in and if trouble occurs they will get me out as soon possible.

I have a friend who is not gay, but is very gay tolerant, often wearing gay pride shirts to school, to the dismay of other students. I have considered telling him and having him spread it around the school. There are certain people in school I would rather not tell myself. Do you think that this would be an ok way to do it?

And once again, thanks for being there for advice. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've wasted arguing with myself about this.

jarred 2 years ago

im fourteen and im gay. i have known for about three or four years now and im really ready to come out. i have told about five of my really close friends all of them gay or girls. still, im very nervous about telling the rest of my friends because there are no outed gay kids my age in my school. i am a multi-sport atheleat and and am very concerned about how my sexuality will affect my future in sports. i play football where the locker room situation can get very awkward and i play water polo. needless to say straight guys in speedoes usually don't feel to comfortable playing their sport with gay guys. and in case you all were wondering i don't play water polo for the guys i play it because it is a great game. both water polo guys and football guys are generaly homophobic. i know coming out will make sports and the rest of my life more awkward to some extent. but if i decide to tell no one the pressure from school and double sports plus the push for success from my parents is too much for me to handle. would you suggest i come out to un-accepting athleats and take my chances or just keep this whole thing to myself? or are there specific people close to me i should tell but not others?

Daniel 2 years ago

hi im 13 years old and i dont know were to turn.School is like horror there are to many bullys and unwelcomeing people i got some friends all girls but just one guy my perants are divorced and they are married to someone else that they love.Im liveing with my dad and my sis is with my mom.okay on to the piont.i know that im gay and ive told my freinds in my old school and now i hardly see them and now ive got new friends im so scared to death its like when i try to tell them i end up saying something else they are very cose to me and they ask me qustions if im gay and the other kids ask me the same my step mother has asked me and i just have to lie its lie after lie after lie.I keep telling them no im not gay and it starts building up to me and eventullay i want to cry in my bed room i want to tell everybody so despretly but i just cant cause im scared to death its like i want to stand up on stage and tell everybody that im gay and i love this guy.His my friend and i just cant tell.I am scared to tell my perants.i know that im gay now for two years now and im ready to tell and i dont want to lie again. Any advice

Warren 2 years ago

Wow, I'm sitting here absolutely terrified. I'm 36, relatively successful and living far, far away from my family. I have lived away from them for the last 13 years and its been easy to be gay. My friends know, I'm involved in a gay charity and other gay organisations, march in pride etc. And I feel like a total fraud because I haven't broached this with my parents (or my brothers but they are easier). Every time I look at some of the people around me who came out in a world that was openly hostile to them, suffered and strove for gay rights, those same rights I'm enjoying now and I feel like I'm betraying them and their sacrifice. But...whenever I think I'm going to tell my parents I am struck with terror like its the worst thing in the world I'd be uttering and end up backing off because its the easiest thing to do. I realise that there are complicated emotions involved and it doesn't help that my parents aren't exactly gay friendly but with this hanging over my head it feels like I'm living half a life and I really can't go like this. I'm due to go home for a holiday, my dad's stressed at his job, my mother is never 100% well and I can think of thousand reasons why this would not be the right time - but as I've read elsewhere, there is never a good time is there? I keep thinking that they will take it badly, will be negatively affected, what if I give my father a heart attack and so on - but what I am really worried about I think is myself - in a sense I am torn between protecting my 'unrocked boat' of a life and feeling free to really express myself and live. The key to getting over this hurdle I think is to lean on gay friends and family to give me the shove I need at the time I need it. What I think I'm going to do is ask my cousin and my BFF to message me and call me on D-Day to exert some gentle peer pressure to help push me over the edge - god knows I need the help. I honestly don't know how they will react (this is probably a big part of my fear - I'm not into surprises) but I think, I think, I think I'm going to do this - it just isn't fucken fair that its this hard! I mean who asks for this? Think of me on the 9th of March - I've just got to haven't I?

Seb 2 years ago

Saying it to a stranger is great advice. Good job Neil.

Tim 2 years ago

Definitely appreciate this article. See, my problem is multifold. I recently just came to grips with being gay and honestly, I've never felt happier or more fulfilled in my life! I've even started dating an awesome guy! (More on that in a second).

For so long I went through this "Oh, if I'm attracted to men then it's God's will for me to just be alone for the rest of my life" phase because honestly, that's what I was taught by my ultra-religious family. I'm really a family guy--they are EVERYTHING to me. And some side of me knows that they'll love me and accept me regardless, and I know my mom knows on some level. Since I've been little, people have always suspected that I was gay--I'm not overly flamboyant or femme acting, but I guess when people see it, they know it, you know? Part of me doesn't wanna tell ANYONE because I don't want to give them the satisfaction of being right or hearing them murmur.

But the guy I'm dating now--I can't even TYPE this without smiling! He's just that great! I typically cut my phone off at night but I find myself leaving it on just for him because he'll call or text me randomly just to say little sweet things. This guy literally makes my heart melt! I mean we got the chance to get away just for a weekend together and we spent the weekend just cuddling and holding each other, talking and watching TV, just enjoying each other's company. I'd REALLY like to bring him home and introduce him to the family, I just know that dad would flip out to no end. I've talked to my guy about this and he's from an ultra-religious family too and he doesn't mind me waiting to spring it on people. We both feel like who we're dating and what we're doing is really our business.

It makes it harder because I'm still living at home with my parents and although I know dad would adjust, I know it'd get to the point where I'd have to get my own place fast and right now with me working 2 jobs and being in school, it's just financially impossible. Sigh.

Warren 2 years ago

(See my comment about 4 posts up). I did it!!! I still can't believe I did but setting a date and telling friends what I was going to do gave me the impetus to actually go through with it. Reading the posts on here really helped as well. I suppose no two people are going to have an identical experience but supporting each other even anonymously helps, trust me. I spent the 9 days leading up to the day agonising over what I was going to say and making contingency plans in case it didn't go well. In the end, on the 9th of March I was absolutely determined I was going to do it. My parents and I went out for dinner and then as we came inside I asked them to please sit down because I had to talk to them about something. They both looked quite apprehensive. I explained that something had been troubling me for a very long time and I really had to speak to them about it. I said, "I'm never going to get married and have children like my brothers, because (big breath) I'm gay" - finally it was out there - I could not believe I had said it but man what a relief. They both kind of stared at me and then they asked me questions (mainly my mother) like would I not try with girls - or am I sure it will never work etc. I did not give her any hope there and just said no - the last time I tried with a girl was 2000 and it just didn't work, I didn't like girls, I liked men. My mother then started crying and she sort of cried for about 24 hours basically non-stop except for sleeping. My father, amazingly, was uncharacteristically supportive (he's not the most gay friendly person) but he said "Look, I'm not thrilled but its your life and you need to get on with it, your my son first and foremost and I still want to be a part of your life, your mother will just have to deal with it, she has no choice" and since then he has been really super nice to me, even more than before. My mother eventually calmed down and now she chats to me like nothing was said. But it was said and its out there and I can now finally begin to fully live my life. Thanks guys and gals for writing your stories down and sharing your fears - those of you who still have to do it, my best wishes are with you and good luck!

Megan 2 years ago

This is so hard. I've been questioning my sexuality since I was 9. I'll be 14 in a few days, but I need to tell someone. But I'm afraid to try to talk to anyone I know. Hubpages is the next best thing, right?

Ever since every girl in class started liking the boys, I hadn't liked anyone. It was this way for a long time- years. I knew then I was somehow different.

Then when I was 12, I started having these weird dreams and thoughts. At first, about boys, or so I thought... I had thoughts of both boys and of girls. It was so different and erotic. I kept shutting the thoughts about girls out of my head. This wasn't supposed to happen!

I've talked to my mom, she doesn't mind gays/lesbians. I don't recall how these conversations happened, but it helped me to know that if or when the time came, she'd accept me.

For the better part of the last two years, I've been struggling with my sexual identity. Even though I've never done anything with anyone, I know what I feel. The words "I'm bisexual" are still new to my lips, but I feel so relieved. I know what and who I am. I'm me and I've never felt better.

I want to tell people about my discovery, but I'm not sure they would believe me. I mean, being bisexual is the "cool" thing nowadays. I have friends who claim they are bi. I believe ONE of them. Not the other.

I think the one that I believe really is bi might like me. She looks at me so... differently (for lack of a better word) sometimes.

Considering who to tell, I think of two people. My bi friend or my best friend of 1 and a half years that I tell everything.

I think they'll both support me, but I've got a major case of nerves.

Help?

Tazz 2 years ago

Ugh help V....

I think I am gay but dont really know.

I live in a very country town with very little kids that go to my school it is a K-12 school with 350 kids. I hate the idea of being criticized for being the only gay kid there!

I have a friend ,Ethan, that i am pretty sureis gay everyone thinks he is. I need help coming out and have seen all of the Teens that you have helped on here. By the wayI am a Freshman. Fifthteen.

Help!

L 2 years ago

Trust me living life alone and in the closet is very hard. I was a tormented little kid. Grew up into a tormented teenager. Always kept quiet and too myself. I have always known. Never came out young because of "situations". Now as a full grown man can't come out because of situations. I have sacrificed everything for other people. I don't want too cause issues. They constantly get on me about dating. I'm always alone I hate being alone.I'm on anti depressants I have bad anxiety issues. I shake a lot.Family and coworkers won't leave well enough alone. I try too be the best person I can. I leave other people alone and I'm nothing but kind and go out of the way for people, people that don't even like me. Being blue collar doesn't help either. My health is starting a free fall. I have never felt love for anyone. I think a lot about how things would have been different if I was just a stronger person. I really don't know how much longer I really got going like this. I'm either headed for an early grave or some sort of mental collapse.

L 2 years ago

Ok Ok Veronica what do you suggest? If I come out and do this. My job the crap job it is, is in limbo. Might be a crap job but its my only one. I would deal with even a more difficult relationship with people. Not too many out men in my line of work. Family would be another huge issue. They are already a problem now God knows they'll never leave this alone when or if it ever comes out.Really honestly I'm trying my best to get things in line in case this comes out. Like paying off bills and building up cash. I know my job would be gone. You know I did come out too myself on tape recently. Never felt better actually saying it. I've already accepted it. I'm considering going to a counselor and seeing how to go about coming out or if I should at all. I am trying my best its quite a mountain too climb. I thank you for saying something Veronica made me feel good that someone is listening.

Aenthin 2 years ago

Oh lol! I just got this link from my friends (who commented here 15 months ago, btw) and already I have tons of closet jokes to tell. Haha! Well at least I'm cheerful about it~

In all seriousness though, I'm thinking of finally coming out, particularly my parents. I've been wanting to since whenever but I got really scared, I suppose, or that I don't want to really disappoint or scare my family and friends away. Nowadays, I think finally admitting is one of the things that could finally bring me peace of mind, especially in this stressful time.

Wish me luck~

tbtmo 23 months ago

Hi V i just stumbled onto this page.. I am 17 and just out of high school. Although i am at a young age i have i already been through the denial of my sexuality. I can remember the time when i would spend all day telling myself not to feel the way i feel. I am going through the stage of finally embracing my sexuality. I have known for along time that i am different. I come from a moderately large and rugged city.I am at the point of coming out to my friends and family but every time i get myself ready to tell them i get nervous and quickly back down. The fear of being rejected is to great for me to come out.I really want to because i could really use someone to talk to about it. I would like to believe that i have hidden my sexuality fairly well but that isn't the case. I've heard it all the name calling and have had a few rumors about me. I am trying to take control of my life and coming out. The stories and advice on here is making my fear and anxiety about coming out seem not as bad. I would love to start with one of my best friends shes hinted that she would be fine if i was gay. This feeling of finally coming out is exciting and i feel that the big weight on my shoulders is right around the corner.After reading the stoires on here i feel that my fear isn't that bad and Thank You to all those who posted their stories they have been a great help

Sincerely'

One foot out the door

tbtmo 23 months ago

Hey v its me again i just told one of my best friends that im gay and it wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to go. She seemed pretty understanding and that she isnt going to judge me wow i feel excellent is somewhat relieved

Dan 23 months ago

Hey V.

Its been 11 months since I commented here, I wanna thank you soooo much for your advice, I still haven't completely come out, but I have to alot of people, the only people left are my grandparents and my mums side of the family, again, thank you so much! xoxo

Dave 22 months ago

I'm gay and I don't really know how to tell my friends about it x

tbtmo 22 months ago

Hey V, its been a while since ive commented ive am taking it day by day and it seems like all of my friends kno and they accept me for who i am

Alex 21 months ago

Hey V, i'm fifteen years old, and im gay.

Im out to everyone but my family. My friends know, my whole school knows, and when im at school i couldnt be happier. Not having to keep it a secret is the most wonderful thing ever. Like you said above, i know that my mom knows. Im just not the normal teenager. But if she knew that would be the least of my worries, my mom is the most understanding woman i know, and i love her. But still, the rest of my family is how do you say "homophobic". At least thats what i can tell, they talk to me about how they despise people like me, just not knowing im one of them. How can anyone expect me to come out in an environment like this. The thing i hate most is that i cant be open with my family when im going to hang out with gay or bi sexual friends, and i have to be secretive. I shouldnt have to hide my whole life, these last few months have been really bad. I freak out at every comment that my family remarks. I think my anger has turned into a whole new level, and i think the only solution is by coming out to them.

Please do you have any advice?

J 21 months ago

First of all let me say that I'm glad I found this article. Well I really need some advice. I'm 16 years old(I'll be 17 at the beginning of september) and I've at least accepeted myelf as a lesbian for almost three years. although I think it's something that I always sorta knew. Anyways I haven't told anyone at all, I really wish I could come out, but anytime I think about doing it I stop myself because I really don't even know why I want to or should come out at all. On top of all this I have no idea how my parents will react or what will will happen afterwards. So this sort of leaves me stuck. Also I don't have any close friends or really any friends at all that I could come out to first so that won't work.I've never been good at making friends and only now have realized that being "different" or "lesbian" or "gay" or whatever probably made connecting to people that much harder. so please help me I don't have any idea of what I should do or why.I;'m soooo lost:(

J 21 months ago

Thank you so much, I've never talked to anyone about this before and its nice to feel like some one cares or at least is lisening to me. Is coming out to the person in the store or drive-thru really something that will help? Or will they just think that I'm insane for talking to them at all? Well what should I say when I do come out to my parents? I've thought about it before but how would I even start that conversation and should I just say it or tell them I want to talk or what? Your right though I'll definetly put a time limit on this and it already feels sooo much better hearing form someone else that these feelings won't be around forever.It is hard though not having any friends or people to talk to so I'm glad that I found this site. My school does have a GSA however but joining it would sort of have to make me be out to my parents and all the stuff kids say about the people in that club makes me sick enough, so I don't want them talking about me like that. Will coming out really make things better? because right now I feel really terrible I'm not really sure how being out will help that.This is sooo hard.

J 21 months ago

Thank you so much, I've never talked to anyone about this before and its nice to feel like some one cares or at least is lisening to me. Is coming out to the person in the store or drive-thru really something that will help? or will they just think that I'm insane for talking to them at all? Well what should I say when I do come out to my parents? I've thought about it before but how would I even start that conversation and hould I just say it or tell them I want to talk or what? Your right though I'll definetly put a time limit on this and it already feels sooo much better hearing form someone else that these feelings won't be around forever.It is hard though not having any friends or people to talk to so I'm glad that I found this site. My school does have a GSA however but joining it would sort of have to make me be out to my parents and all the stuff kids say about the people in that club makes me sick enough, so I don't want them talking about me like that.Will coming out really help things? Because right now I feel terrible and I'm not sure that being out will help that.This is sooo hard.Everything is falling apart and I hate it.

J 21 months ago

Sorry about the double post above. Please help!

Alex 21 months ago

V,

I would like to thank you because of the kind words, and for even replying at all.

The advice you have given me has really changed my perspective on what i should do. The countdown idea is genius, because i couldnt be more aggrivated by the time being in this house. My mom really is a wonderful person, and sometimes i couldnt show my love for her more. i guess im just a big mama's boy.

My family is really sucky, and it kinda makes me sad.

I know that if they truly love me that they will accept me for who i am, it just saddens me that if their choice is to not accept then i will lose them. Keeping people in your life who bring you down are definitley not the best thing either, its just how do you just drop your family members like that.

I know anger is not the way to solve problems, its just the first thing that comes to mind. Letting it out now, instead of holding it in, which can be good at times, i guess just not in this situation. I definitley need help.

And i just have one more question.

I am soon going on a trip to Las Vegas and Los Angeles, with just my father?

He can be understanding at times, but if not, one of the most masochistic people you can meet. Plus with the influence of my two sisters, will be even worse.

They've recently informed me on how i'll be turned into a real man when i go on this trip, or have told me that were gonna find some girls.

All i can do is smile when they say remarks like this to me. But it kills me inside.

How can i pretend to be someone that i'm not.

Bottling all of this up inside has not been the best thing, and by all means i have great friends that i do at times vent too, but sometimes i feel like rebelling is the best thing to do to ease the pain. I turn to bad things sometimes when im not feeling my best, and its not a good habit. I'm a pretty messed up 15 year old kid.

Thanks a lot.

Brittany  21 months ago

Im 19 and ive known since i was abt 10 that i had feelings for girls and not guys,,, I need to tell my family but dont know how please someone help

G 19 months ago

Im 14 and i want to come out. If i do come out i know my mum will accept me and so will my best friend, but i live in a small rural town and am afraid that somehow people will find out and tease me. i just need some help for what i should do please.

MarkD 19 months ago

Hi Veroncia, I'm reading your blog for the first time. I am 16 and have accepted myself that im gay. Only right now, I can't come out to my family. We live in the Bible Belt of the U.S. and my parents are southern baptists. Everyone at school and at church are ultra-conservatives. I'm really scared my family will abandon me adn they will put religon ahead of me. I've lost several nights of sleep and am in a lot of pain. If you ahve any advice, I'd appreciate it.

lee 18 months ago

i must say i have found some of the stories truly inspiring, im 18 year old, from quite a small and rather close family, i have recently come to terms with the fact im gay, though really have known for years. i was always the won in school who turned down the posibility of any relationships with girls, always making an excuse, when asked out.

i have only last month started uni,which is about half an hours drive from my family home, which i travel to uni from, but i have found the experience of uni liberating being able to act as myself not puting up a false frount, people have accepted me for who i am and if anyone's not happy about it then so what.

neverless the fact that i have not come out to anyone where i live e.g. my parents or close friends is drivng me insane, and is constantly on my mind, bringing me down.

i came close recently, to coming out to a close female friend when we went out for lunch, when she brought up the topic two friends have become a couple, and also mentioned that another female friend was free/single, when i replied, she's not relly my type, she asked, well what is your type? i completly freaked out and babled my way out of the situation, i think she guesd but im not sure.

as far as my family, i thing my mother has an incling that im gay, but she always asks questions like, how long do i have to wait for grandkids, and she hints about a girlfriend. To make the entire situation even worse my mothers partner, my stepdad i realy quite old fashioned and believes that gay people are disgusting.

i work also part-time, in a local resteraunt and i am unsure who to come out to, things are curantly quite friendly everone gets on ect, there is one gay person who already works there i have thought about telling her,but am unsure because i have some family who also work in the resteraunt as my mother used to be the manager, also some of the people i work with are close friends outside of work but if i tell them, i am afraid they may let it slip and it may change the good working relationship i curently have with other members of staff, my dilema of what to do next is emotionaly tearing me apart, please any advice would be welcome!

MarkD 18 months ago

Thanks Veronica for everything. I really appreciate you helping me out. You are the first person I have ever told and Im glad you are so supportive. You don't know how much this means to me. Thanks so much!!!!

ben 18 months ago

well I took your advice and now my parents don't want to know me but I don't care because if they can't respect me for who I am then they obviously aren't good parents x

Brandon 18 months ago

Hi Veronica, great advice! I followed this pretty well on my own with just my own brain power but, you are really helping lots of other people! My coming out story is in pause right now because, on October 10, 2010, I attempted coming out to my parents. Earlier on that day, I was on the phone with my friend and she has known since June that I am gay. I was telling her how sick of lying, and sick of pretend I was and how I knew it was time to come out to my family. I was basically practicing how I was going to do it with her. She suggested that I write it down and read from it, because I am better at writing it down than just speaking, so I said yeah that's a great idea! And got off the phone and started writing the letter. I wrote forthree hours straight. I was finally ready to go talk but when I got in there I just froze up, I just held the note out to her and left. She called me back and said "your not gay, I know it. You just aren't, no son of mine will be gay. You're just confused." I said "mom, I know I am not confused. I have always felt different but never confused. I am still the same person I just let you know something about me, I love you and no one or anything can change that!" she went on to say that I had never experienced sex with a man or woman to know what I want. She is really religious and most of my moms family is homophobic. We just went back and forth until, the phone rang; it was my grandmother and at that point my mom was crying, so she told my grandmother that I think I am gay. They Freaked!!! I was told that I am not allowed back onto their house and to never call them again. Then my grandmother called my uncle, who is overly mean about gay people. His favorite word is faggot. So then he wanted to talk to me. He told me that I am worthless and that I don't deserve to be alive. He said cruelthings to me, called me names, mocked me and I couldn't say anything back for the fear to worsen the matter. Eventually it all calmed down and I went into my room and I did something that I hadn't done for years. I put a knife to my forearm and cut, because I felt like I was worthless and a disgrace to my family. My mom came in and asked me if I was still confused, so I lied and said it was all a joke, just to get her off of me. I was afraid of being kicked out at that point, so I had to do somethin. I am 16 and now I'm even farther inthe closet than I was before. My boyfriend want me t move in with him, but I don't want to impose. Any advice? P.S. I am using my iPod so if I made any spelling or grammar errors, please forgive me.

mike 18 months ago

hello im a popular 16 male, and ive just admited to miself that im gay,i was really upset because ive allways liked the fact of having a pretty girlfriend and a family, im quite good looking and ive had girls wanting to have sex for a while and i just dont want to, im finidng it difficult to tell my best friends because they all play rygbu and are like very masculine, they all talk about girls and check them out but i dont get it, my dad is also homophobic and allways makes comments while watching tv, i think ill probably wait untill i leave home before i tell them, and i dont now about my friends becuase my best friend tom we always mess around like hugging eachother and he hold my hand messing around but he is obviously not gay jsut very comfortable with his sexuality, i need help thanks

ARandomGuy 17 months ago

Veronica,

The world really needs more people like you. I stumbled across this today, and you Should know that you are a very, very wonderful person for taking the time out of your day to help troubled and lonely gays and lesbians.

I'm fourteen, and I'm positive that I'm gay. I am completely comfortable with this, and embrace it. I figured out that I wasn't straight when in the 7th grade, one kid told me he loved me. And to say it back. Right out if the blue. Just before a class I had with him. He had the most serious look on his face. I was really freaking out, I had no idea what was going on. All I could do was stare Into his eyes. I fell in love with him and still do love him to this day, but that's as much detail as I'm going to go into, because I could go on forever. I was twelve at the time, by the way. From that moment on, I knew I was gay, but told my friends I was bi to avoid having to call myself gay. I don't know why, I just didn't want to be gay. But now that I'm comfortable with myself, I plan on coming out as full gay to my closest friends. Most of them are bi anyway, so I know I'm ok. :)

tbtmo 17 months ago

Hey V its been about five months and i just want to thank you for this page it helped alot. Today i came out to my mother i was expectign the worse and i got the complete opposite. She was loving and understanding and supportive and i am so happy. I wish i wud of done it a long time ago. I am ready for the future and to mark of other names on my list.. once again Thank you so much

Chris 16 months ago

Im just fed up, My dad is extremely anti-gay and my mum

thinks homosexuality is a joke. My sister is too absorbed in her own world to care if im gay and my friends just roll there eyes if I even mention the topic. I feel completley alone. I'd fear for my saftey if I came out to my dad and some days I get so frustrated I just take it out on anyone whos nearby. Im loosing friends and my sanity. And belive me, my mum doesnt know. She keeps planning my life out (kids ect). I just cant keep going Im 15 btw

angel 16 months ago

My family is really homophobic and its really hard to come out to them i just feel like they wont take it good at all. i see all these shows and movies and i see teens coming out to there parents but it all looks fake because not every ones parents are happy thats all it shows people being happy for once cant it show the truth what can happen because i know if i would tell my mom i would be a disgrase to her i know she will still love me but i will never be the same person for her

I won't put my real name ^_^ 15 months ago

Hello Victoria!! I certainly hope you still check this HUB. Well I am gay and hasn't came out to anyone but friends and My mom. My friends are very supportive (mostly all girl) the boy Friends I do have are gay or bi,but we are just friends. I kinda help them. Well I'm 15 in 9th grade and really don't get much trouble for being gay except from a few close minded fuckheads! They don't know I'm gay but ask and stuff I just inore them or give them a mouthfull. Well my family know or atleast wonders..... Really I don't think they should be sitting around disscussing my oreintation behind my back! They would not be happy if they knew!y dad would be pissed and he says he would blame my mom! See she used drugs and they always fussed and he think I saw that as I was younger and thought why would I want that! That is not true I have know from a very yound age! I actually wish to be a girl but realize I'm not gonna wake up one day and have a vagina so I may as well make the best of what I have. My dad says He scared that he would become mean if he found out and push everyone away! I'm thinking if you think that change it!! My dads cousin is gay and he pretty made everyone in the fam have a bad outlook on it! As i'm sure you know they isn't just gay! There really gay like girly, gay, or a manly guy being gay! I am just gay not femine or manly. Well my dad cosin is really gay and falunts it! And my dad thinks of him when he thanks gay! I know all this cause of my dads gf told me. She doesn't know for sure and doesn't want to so she can continue to say she doesn't know if she is asked what she thinks. She says he asks monthly! She has told him I could be stright,gay,bi, or none! He probably won't accept it so it's good if he doesn't know! I'm gald my mom knows though cause if he does blame her she has like 3 yrs to plan what to say! Well I know this guy I can't see him cause I don't want suspision! Well he wants to see me and is tired of just text! (nothing sexual just see each other) we got to school together and he is 2 years older, see my grandpa (dads dad) is a teacher so yea can't tlk there! He orang seem to understand and we have kinda stopped talking! I don't want that so what do I do with all of this! Also he critizes what I do how I walk and stuff! He totaly knows I'm gay just in denial. He doesn't know what I like though! I don't wanna live with someone but may the thought of living with someone I yuck! Cause you may like stuff they don't. I also don't wanna be lonely forever!! What do I do? Thanks

Nickolas 15 months ago

Hi V. I am 15 and I have been coming out to myself for the past year, and coming out to my friends for the past few months.I'm glad i found this site, it has given me a confidence boost. about a month ago I came out to my best friend. I was very nervous about it, but I knew that he wouldn't judge me for my choice. He was cool with it and is even willing to talk to me when I am have trouble with my emotions about people making fun of gays. I have to say that telling him was the first step to coming out to all my friends. Just today I told my Girlfriend that I am bi. I wasn't sure how she would react even though we've known eachother for a few years now. I was nervous at first, but I figured that since we were talking about our secrets it was the perfect time. She told me afterwads that she has an aunt that is gay which made me feel more comfortable. So I have to say that though it may be nerve racking, it is well worth it to tell people. But you have to remember that not all people are accepting and your feelings may be hurt. I am going to go on and try to tell some other close friends soon. I am prepared for most anything, if rumors get out or people exagerate what i say, i will simply correct them. wish me luck Xs and Os Nick

Trademelove 15 months ago

Wow and I thought how I came out was hard... I moved to New Zealand (Far away from everybody I knew in South Africa) - Then I came out on FaceBook...

My mother still asked me if I made a mistake with my partners name... "So where did you meet Simone" - I replyed: "Mum, it's not Simone, it's Simon..."

It was hard but even so it was way easier than a face to face confrontation!

Alex 12 months ago

Hi, I wrote on here 15 months ago and wanted to write an update. I wanted to tell everyone that I have moved to a much more liberal town. I am the only openly gay student out of 400 in my school but it has never raised a single concern among anybody. Due to the recent surge of gay suicides, I was compelled to write this and say that it does get better. During the time of writing 15 months ago, I was on the brink of suicide and it's only by pure grace that I'm typing this now. Even if you can't move out of your house or change schools as I did, as Veronica has said there is a much more accepting world out there and it really is fantastic if you'll just stick around to see it. Thank you for all your help!

Dylan 8 months ago

So i am gay, the last person i told was a friend i haven't talked to in a long time but he is very trustworthy and he took it like it was nothing... However i have two friends who are dear to me and i never want to loose them, i am not attracted to them at all but they are both males and may take it the wrong way, i think about the small things to much and i dont know what to do, can someone please talk to me... i really just want to be my self around these people. Also one of my friends is purely against it and whenever im on skype and the topic rises its almost like a war, i try and protect them and say that hey there is nothing wrong about it but it never gets through. Please someone help

Jacobk314 6 months ago

Hello, I'm not even sure how this works as I only created an account on this site two minutes ago for the sole purpose of commenting here. I am in great need of some advice as I feel I am on the precipice of coming out. I am fourteen and have been gay as long as I can remember, though it's only really started me crazy with the need to come out in the last two or three years. My problem is not a fear of prosecution. I attend a tiny charter school in it's third year, and with less than a hundred pupils I have no doubt that any of my friends will reject me as, I am sad to say, very few of them are male. At home the situation is similar. We are catholic, but my parents are very loving speak highly of my sister's gay friends. My sister, I believe may already suspect my orientation, though I am not sure. As you can see, the problem is entirely the need for a means to come out, as I am trying to subtly give it away but my sister, the person I plan to come out to first, has not confronted me as of yet. It has been made clear to me that I may be forced to introduce the subject myself, in which I take great discomfort. It is on this note that ask for any advice you can provide to me in my desperation. I am also a boy, sorry I forgot to mention that most important aspect. Any help is greatly appreciated.

aruthune 4 months ago

Hi, I'm a fourteen year old guy in middle school. I'm bout to come out of the closet. To my mom atleast. I've been telling my friends pretty slowly one at a time and they accept me. I know my mom will too but everytime I try and tell her I get all nervous and back out. I'm pretty sure she already knows like you said because I've been trying to hint for a while to make it easier to tell her when I do. Help on how to break it to her? And I really like this guy that I'm pretty sure is bi but can't be certain. Any help on that eiither?

Thanks,

Aruthune

kade1 4 months ago

V I need help I'm 13 and gay I want to come out of the closet but I'm scared to if my friends might leave me and I haven't told anyone if I did tell everyone then I would be the only open gay in my whole school of 900 I don't know what to do should I tell everyone and I like this guy a lot but I don't know if hes gay hows a good way to ask

Thanks

Kade

kade1 4 months ago

V I need help I'm 13 and gay I haven't come out of the closet and I'm scarred to becouse my friends might leave me and a lot of them are making a lot of gay jokes no one knows I'm gay I don't know what to do and I really like this guy at school but I'm not sure if hes gay what is a good way to find out.

Thanks

Kade

NoelDancer 4 months ago

My boyfriend's friend who is a guy just came out of the closet by telling my boyfriend that he is in love with him. We are both non-judgmental people but now my boyfriend and are fighting with each other because I'm trying to get him to ask his coming-out-of-the-closet friend to go out dancing with me and my other gay friend because it's Salsa night. My boyfriend claims that this is an insulting suggestion because it's insensitive and rude. I don't see why we have to get all emotional about this but I think that he's just taken back by the fact that his best friend is in love with him. I hope that my idea wasn't offensive. Our coming-out friend after all took Salsa dancing lessons last Spring...

Jacobk314 4 months ago

Just an update, I finally came out to my sister October 29, 2011. Two nights later, on halloween night, my mother found a book on coming out on my kindle and confronted me. My relationship is still really good with them, my mom and sister will talk about it freely, but I usually have to bring it up myself, and my dad, whom my mother, is still just as warm towards me, though I haven't yet brought it up in conversation. Two of my friends I presume to already know, thanks to the icebreaker of a gay character from a book series we all love (The Mortal Instruments), and though I'm not officially out to them, the subject is less off limits with them than anyone else. As for the rest of my school of around 142, I can only think of around twelve students who it would bother. I also hope that begin the only out boy at my school,( there is also a girl in my class, but I'm not sure if she's completely out) will inspire others... perhaps the really cute boy I think might be bi in my class...But I digress, I hope my story helps to show that it isn't always the worst case scenario, and if it is, then (Insert creative expletive here) them, throw on a bullet proof vest and bring your boy/girl friend to family reunion!!!

( I am seriously not recommending that...don't do it...)

Ari071 2 months ago

I'm 14 and I'm bi but I'm too self consious to do alot of these things including telling random strangers and I really need help. My parents used to get emails about every text I sent or got and my mom found out I had been doing things with other guys and she questioned me about this and alot of other things. I told her I wasen't because it just didn't seem like the right time. Please help.

Ari071 2 months ago

(Not sure if my comment got sent or not because I can't see it so I'll post again)

I'm 14 and bi and I'm too self concious to even blurt it out to random strangers. A while ago my mom got emails of every text I sent or recieved and found out I was doing things with other guys. She questioned me about it and a few other things but I said I wasen't for fear of her hating me or telling my dad and it made me want to die in a hole. I really need help with coming out to parents and friends because as you can see I've been so scared to and never found the nerve to do it. Please help me.

Thanks,

Ari.